If i call out your real name, will my voice reach you like a twang in the heartstrings? Stripping the pseudonym down to the core Leaving what's left naked and vulnerable, yet pure. Searching for the you that's reachable But ransacking for my completion.
Fill it up?
Because my words are leaving me, and then parts of me being exchanged for something else new, something so raw that i've never felt before; parts of me leaving, eatching away; losing what was from the past yet gaining something new. Growing somewhat stronger yet somewhat weaker at the same time; how can this be? Because my words are leaving me, only cries that echo repeatedly are left. These cries plead, beg, yet are silent. Cries of the same words over and over again. Same words; because i know not how to speak anything else.
Paranoia, Hysteria.
Even if i call you, you won't hear. Never will. When such a distance never seems to close. Bittersweet crips, belonging to fragments of a shattered smile; One that tries so hard to stay on and shine to the world, Yet one that falls so easily when a back is turned. When it's not all that simple though wished to be.
You.
Then... How it escapes your mouth, you breath out slowly. A beautiful rhythm that no one else dances to, Like an enchanting melody amongst the wind,
...Me?
You play, you tease Then it all breaks down.
When this feels like a Want.
Dark lingering eyes tempting to draw closer Inch by inch, Tracing jawlines of the perceived perfection, Lips dry, but Thirsty
A need.
To hold what was never there A strength that could never be given by an individual. To cling on so Desperately, Begging for release of this torture But knowing it never happens Fingers grasping the thin and cold; Free me.
Crossing over to Desire.
To go beneath the skin, And to fill up and answer what words and touches won't. To entwine in the spirit. Screams; inaudible when you take over.
Turning sinfully into Lust.
So sinful it should be left unspoken.
Once, was A shady past.
Stepping out of it, But into the dark.
Your real name here, This is what it's like to want, so bad, What you can never have.
FROM GAZETTE'S NLSG LIVE! THEIR LIVES ARE ALWAYS GOOD 8D YEY WITH ME!
a great start to an awesome concert :D
and this, is like WHOA *_* one of my fave songs from the NIL album, the performance is surging with power and hysteriaaaa
people, it's the gaze headobanggguuu!!! XDDDD also one of my faves songs, and especially the part around 3:23 where the guitars were just shrieking and they're supposed to cause a racket with all that noise XDDD and just when you thought they were ending (in which the normal song they do) they don't, and GO FOR ANOTHER ROUND OF HEADBANG! XD even the lights headbang together with them aha 8D
and even with a beautiful music video for this song, the performance is as beautiful *_* there's fear.. sorrow.. pain.. hurt.. and yes, it's haunting (: i love ruki's shriek/cry at the end followed by his heavy breathing *_* it's like whoa, this song and performance makes me either cry or make my hairs stand on end everytime. gotta love the bassist's growl~ he's teh sexx. and also MINE.
sigh, this is why i HAVE/MUST/WANT/NEED to see them live one day *_* i will make this my christmas wish DEATH~
20061126
you thought i died? 8D
it's been some time, no? nothing much, recently all that my holidays are made up of are, working, training, online, translating (and you repeat the cycle over and over again) i haven't had time to touch my holiday homework or projects! ;___; and i think that with the way and the amount of time i am translating at, it can almost be like another part-time job that takes place from 12mn to 3am, just that i'm not paid XD no i'm not good at it, i just spend LOTS of time on it 8D work is tiring, but hey, today is pay-day! wow it's been 3 weeks of working, time flies it's gonna be KURISUMASU SOON!
just realised that my JLPT is exactly one week from now! i'm going to go 'underground' and start studying for it, and then maybe excuse myself on the last day of the volleyball camp so that i can revise one more time, get enough sleep, and give my best shot next sunday morning! volleyball camp has shortened my time greatly to study, i'd probably bring my books along to study as well. i must pass no matter what! and when i've passed i only am one more level away to achieving my JLPT LEVEL 2! XD
^ i realised that everything i said earlier sounds uncannily like the blog entries i translate of bis. (the way of expressing i mean.) i seriously think i translate too much. ahaha i must share the hilarious things bis wrote about maybe sometime later when the exams are over (:
anyway, i said i will bring an cafe spam 8D so i'm bring a small one. they're my little nyappy bando! honestly they're songs are catchy and they're such dorks everyone should absolutely give them more loveeee~ (i only listen to them when i'm happy though, which is recently XD) i bring two of their older music videos, and they're my favourites (: not to mention, their newer ones are really good too :3
ESCAPISM. haha i remember once when i was at parkway with beatrice just sitting down talking and eating icecream, i said 'ESCAPISM' and she was like 'THERE IS NO SUCH WORD, MY DEAR!' okay now you know where that came from XD i like miku's hair here. hmm, i'd like to try that hairstyle XD and FOR THE LOVE OF KANON! :3 aww sessy?
WAGAMAMA KOUSHINKYOUKU. it's a cute, spastic video XD the best part has gotta be when miku and teruki tried to peek at kanon while he was peeing 8D and bou came out from the girl's toilet! in case you're wondering, all of them are guys. end of story. kanon is fricken hot in there *dies* reivive me! i would die to dress like kanon. [sex pot revenge] baybeh all the way! XDDD
okay i'm off to work bye. <- i swear i'm starting to sound like bis!!! O_O itteki-MASS DEATH. (it's actually ittekimasu desu but, it's japanese wordplay that i've learnt ^^)
20061105
drinking coffee at the most ungodly hours keeps me awake.
this is going to be my most favourite post, EVER *_* because gazette is (almost) my life and since i'll be working, i doubt you'll hear much from me so here i spam! 8D and it's a warning.
this time i'm posting up my absolute favourite live songs from gazette! Carry?, the $ocial Riot Machine$ and Ride with Rockers. seems like whenever there's Carry? there'll be the $ocial Riot Machine$. they're actually the first two songs i heard from gazette which totally converted me into their fan and not to mention also they're my favourite songs from DISORDER (: so now we can all compare them in their different live performances whooOO! they are the ultimate live songs man! I love every single live performances of it, and in my opinion they're better live than heard on cd (: all that headbanging + screaming + ruki's hip thrusting + reita's growling + swaying = hotter than teh orgasmic smexxu! 8D
Carry?
at MRD tour final 2005; it's a wicked, WICKED stage (;
at PSC tour 2005; ruki said before the live that his neck hurt a lot, but there he is with his hardcore headbang like wtf @@;; it's hard to believe that any part of him hurts!
at NLSG tour final 2006; HEADOBANGGGGGGGGGGGGGGU~ GO RUKI! man i love the way reita screams 'please help me!' (and ruki goes 'you're already dead!') and spins around with his bass XD
the $ocial Riot Machine$
at MRD tour final 2005; the same wicked stage, plus a sexy dance from ruki XD dammit whenever i watch this it makes me wanna get up and smash stuff and run around. RIOTTTTTT~!!!
at PSC tour 2005; poor ruki the way he shakes his head i'm worried that he might sprain his neck or something x_x;; the fans are crazeehhhhhhh~!!!
at NLSG tour final 2006; ooOOhh ruki's hip thrusting~ sway sway swayyy!!! what can't you not love about this performace? 8D
Ride with Rockers
at MRD tour final 2005; only performed exclusively in concerts, mainly the drum and bass solo by kai and reita, with the guitars coming in at the end (: SO HOT!!! *spazzes out*
at NLSG tour final 2006; i didn't include kai's drum solo which happened earlier, just skipped to the parts where reita joined in. compared to last year the tune has kinda changed and it's now an extended version. you gotta love reita's counting lessons 'PHWEE TSUUUOOO WANNNN GOOO!!!' XDDDD you fucking badass bassist i love you!!! *chews on fingers*
continued, it's part two. on to the faster paced tune now. whooOO reita shouting! (i like to think of it as growling though) zomfgwtfbbq this is why i HAVE to meet this man live on day!!! *_* simply... orgasmic sorry XD *foams at the mouth* and then uruha and aoi prances on stage and do their 'WHAT WHAT WHAT?!?!?!' thingo XDDDD *please insert hearts here* REITACHUUUU~ BAYBEH! *nosebleeds*
*goes off to a corner to hyperventilate* it's TEH smexx yey :3 kthxbye!
20061103
shunsuke nooo!
it's not new news, but yeah, miyavi's in america till i don't know when, and i miss him bad T-T
however even with that being said, i must officially announce that reita's my #1 *_* i love that man so much! <3 *licks* oh honey (:
ARGH and, shunsuke! that... that... JKSDHGDSRHG he's practically spamming his blog, as if i'm not lagging behind enough, now i'm POSITIVE that i can never catch up with translating their entries. there are people out there waiting for the translations why must you do this to me?! *dies over and over again* if seika starts to spam too, i swear i will confiscate his drums (and kidnap their guitarist to keep as a pet! TSUKACHAAN~ 8D) sigh, looks like i need to sit down in front of the computer and keep translating non stop T-T gah i fxcking need a japanese - english dictionary, i bloody need a character dictionary dammit! this english - japanese one is useless *throws it across the room* ah, shunsuke and his slangggg D: i don't get slang, i never do get guy's slang!
but how am i supposed to do that when i have like, LA project, maths homework and training? gah and not to mention i got a job at a relative's restaurant, so from monday onwards my nights are burnt, i'll only be back around midnight but i bet i will be so tired that i'll sleep once i come home. that sucks cause i like my nights alot D: but i'm definitely excited about working and getting $$$ teehee 8D maybe... it'll be an eventful holiday?
oh yes, i badly need a haircut. the present hairstyle will not do! it's like... fugly. but being the lazy ass i am i just can't get my ass down to the salon. pffft.
and just want to show off my fabulous bruise, which i have no idea how i got it. it was initially 2 bruises, but seems like after volleyball training and the much bashing of balls onto my arms it merged to become a BIG bruise. and yah, it hurts like a bytch D:
ANYHOO, JROCK SPAM! 8D i said i'll find LM.C's Rock the LM.C PV no? it's here! I don't care if people say it's Jpunk or Jpop or Jrock or whatever, I'm very much in love with it cause the video is awesome! *_* pretty lights whoOOo! maya is adorable; his face is permanently like :O
ah and Gazette's up next! 8D this is a backstage clip from their concert dvd (which i can spend HOURS watching XD) it's one of the more funnier parts, why? 1) aoi wearing his pants and zipping it up 8D 2) aoi throwing his packet of cigarettes at kai when kai was trying to introduce the members 3) aoi talking through a cellophane paper wrapped over his mouth 4) aoi and kai being dorks, running and shouting down the corridor. WTF DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING AOI?! XDDD dammit poor kai's always being bullied!
and this is uruha, falling off the stage XDDDD omg scary fans. the other members are all acting like they don't care and that the show must go on, but later when they were in a van they were talking about it and were all like 'omg i saw uruha fall off the stage! is he alright?!' and 'OMG HE FELLLLLL!' XDDDD
and kai dropping his drumsticks halfway during the song XD check out the other member's faces! and then he shrugs everything off by flashing that million dollar smile of his *o*
and this is my PROOF to why i say poor kai's always getting bullied. this is the 'let's all gang up and beat up the drummer' video clip! XDDDD aww~
ah and saving the best for last, DIR EN GREY! okay i'm not a big fan of them, but this has DEINFITELY gotta be the coolest shit i've watched XD in the first clip you can see that kyo fainted halfway when the song was about the start, the rest of them keep playing cause they didn't know whether it was real or not, okay then the crew comes out and yeah, they stop x) scary T-T hurmm, there's also toshiya who broke his guitar strap XD and kaoru who started to SMASH his mic stand, and do other crazy things like throwing himself offstage into the audience *o* gahhh~ just watch it, they look like they're on DRUGS XDDDD kidding.
AHA! okay that's all, i will do an An Cafe spam tomorrow. gotta wake up friggin' early tomorrow for training and i'm not happy about it. (my friday wonderfully late nights!)
shall throw a tantrum.
&!VODKA&IRONY
{ C }
the kind of girl who mopes around about stuff ALOT & somedays on mute mode
&!SLIP'N'SLIDE
A LEFT-HANDER WHO FEEDS ON JROCK :D
Is a caffeine addict, & doesn't mind giving up talking for good.
With not much self-confidence to start with, her ugly teeth upset her a lot but she plans to do nothing about it. Cheap thrills include rainy days, graphic designing, writing & a little dosage of her jrock darlings.
Can conjure up some really good shit in her mind sometimes, but has problems putting them onto paper and into reality.
Overall an average kid who's neither here nor there in everything she does, & gets bothered by it sometimes. Has trouble finding her direction in life.
Mostly negative and wishes to be more apathetic. Currently finding a way to start a new life in Japan, with a different name.
Still likes to talk to inanimate things like her stuffed penguin.
and just want to show off my fabulous bruise, which i have no idea how i got it. it was initially 2 bruises, but seems like after volleyball training and the much bashing of balls onto my arms it merged to become a BIG bruise. and yah, it hurts like a bytch D: